This is on Me
by Writer girl 1988
Summary: The SVU team are shaken when one of their own becomes a victim.
1. Chapter 1

The early morning buzz of activity welcomed Lieutenant Benson as she entered the squad room. Surveying the floor, she noticed that her Sergeant and detectives were all accounted for. All except one. Amanda Rollins. Her, at times, unpredictable detective was not at her desk. It was a little out of the ordinary considering the almost ritualistic routine Rollins had been keeping since returning from maternity leave; first one at her desk, fresh coffee placed on each detective's desk, Liv's included, and a sugar doughnut for Carisi as an extra treat for all the support he had given her during her pregnancy and in the months since she'd given birth to Jessie. Amanda figured it was the least she could do- they were her family after all.

Liv mused that this new routine was Rollins' way of finding calm among the chaos of raising a newborn. Liv knew that a lack of stability and chaos were not friends to Rollins and, in times of great turmoil, she often found her younger detective becoming dependant on less favourable " routines"- nightly trips to the casino being one of them. Rollins' earlier than early bird routine was a little excessive, Liv thought, especially considering she had a four month old at home and was probably only catching a few hours sleep at most each night. She had to admit, though, that it was endearing to see Rollins put her best foot forward each and every day. It was a little disconcerting, therefore, to find Amanda's chair empty at almost 9:15 the morning after the detectives caught a break in their latest case.

Earlier in the week, a young woman named Caroline Fletcher had arrived at the ER of Mercy General after a club patron had noticed her slumped over and barely conscious outside the men's room of the popular Bijoux nightclub in Hell's Kitchen. It had later been discovered by the detectives that she had been drugged and gang raped. Unfortunately, this was not the first time a woman had been drugged and raped at the nightclub and people were now beginning to question why the club was still allowed to be open for business. To date, there were five previous cases, all with the same M.O., and the detectives were now feeling the heat from the top brass to find the perps and close the cases.

Three of the five previous victims had since moved state. After re-interviewing the other two victims and chasing dead-end leads, the detectives discovered a six victim who was able to identify her attackers. Denise Highsmith was, most likely, the first victim which is why her attackers had been a little sloppy. The first attacker didn't drug her before luring her to the men's room where the second attacker was waiting. After they had finished, they left her there in the men's room and threw two hundred dollars at her as payment for her "services". Denise, distraught and desperate, took this as a sign that they were buying her silence. That, coupled with the shame she felt, kept her from coming forward until she read about Caroline's ordeal in the newspaper and read that police were appealing for witnesses. Denise had been able to name her attackers because she knew one of them from college, Lee Huntly. Huntly, a 25 year old art student, was known to make ends meet selling cocaine at Frat parties. His partner in crime, Josh Harkins, was a 27 year old socialite who lived off daddy's money while attending college "for the fun of it". Unfortunately, Josh's father had connections at the DA's office. Considering the fact that all of the victims, not including Denise, had been intoxicated and subsequently fuzzy on the details of their attackers, the DA was reluctant to prosecute and Harkins' father took full advantage. Rollins had worked the case from day one and, it hadn't slipped Liv's attention that she was growing more anxious and frustrated by the day. Upon receiving orders from the DA, Harkins and Huntly were released. Unless they were caught in the act, they were free agents. Barba was scheduled to meet with Liv and Sergeant Dodds to discuss the case and how they would proceed at 9:30 that morning, the very morning that Rollins was now late for work


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the follows and reviews! This is my first ever fanfiction so the chapters will be quite short till my writing gets better. Constructive criticism is always welcome as it will hopefully make my writing better and making the story more interesting for you guys to read. I'll try not to take so long to update with the next chapter. My gran died shortly after I posted the first chapter so it's been a tough couple of months. Back on track now so let story time begin.**

"Hey guys,have any of you heard from Rollins this morning?" Liv asked as she approached Fin's desk.

"Nah, Liv, I haven't heard from her since last night when we clocked out. How 'bout you Carisi?" Fin asked knowing that of the two, Carisi, would have been the most likely to have heard from Amanda.

" Uh, yeah, I was actually over at her place for dinner last night." At this, Liv and Fin glanced at each other , eyebrows raised and a slight grin on both of their faces. This was becoming quite a regular occurrence between the two detectives. Noticing the look on Liv and Fin's faces, Carisi added "It wasn't like that. 'Manda looked a little stressed out so I offered to cook her dinner. Thought she could use a friend, that's all. Anyways, after dinner I headed home, Jessie was crying a little and 'Manda looked exhausted. She's probably overslept is all."

"Ok, could you give her a call to see how she is and if she's going to make it in today?" Liv asked.

"No problem Lieutenant." Carisi replied.

"Dodd's? My office so we can get ready for Barba." Liv added.

" Ok, let me just grab a couple things and I'll be right with you." Dodd's responded.

As the Lieutenant and Sergeant retired to the Lieutenant's office, Carisi picked up the receiver and began dialling Amanda's home phone number. After the third ring , Carisi was about to hang up when heard the excited giggles of Jessie. Looking up he saw Fin holding the tiny blonde baby. Jessie had a huge smile on her face and her fingers were now playfully grasping for Fin's cheeks and nose. Beside them stood Sarah, Jessie's nanny, looking slightly panicked. Carisi quickly hung up and rushed over to Sarah asking " Is everything ok? Where's Amanda?"

"Isn't she here? I have to drop Jessie off. My mom is sick and I have to go back home for a few days."

"Wait, you thought Amanda was here? You've seen her today?" Fin asked.

" No, she dropped Jessie off last night , said she had been called back in to work and that she would pick Jessie up at the usual time today so as not to wake her during the night. "

Fin and Carisi both looked at each other worriedly. There had been no call to return to work last night. What the hell was going on?

Sensing the tension, Jessie became anxious and started to cry. At the sound of Jessie's cries, Olivia came out of her office and walked over to where Sarah, Fin, Carisi and Jessie were standing. Seeing Olivia, Jessie's eyes widened and she stopped crying. Jessie reached out for Olivia. Olivia took Jessie from Fin saying " Hi, sweet girl. Look at you!" And giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek. Looking at her detectives she asked " What's going on guys?"

"'Manda didn't come home last night." Fin stated. Liv turned to look at Carisi saying " I thought you two had dinner together at her apartment."

"We did, but Sarah said that later in the evening 'Manda dropped Jessie off saying that she had been called back to work. She hasn't been seen since. "

Hearing this , Liv's first thought was that the blonde detective had taken up gambling again. she looked over to Fin and caught his eye, her eyebrows raised.

" I know what you're thinking, Liv, but 'Manda wouldn't risk everything again, not with Jessie depending on her."

Placing a protective hand on the 4 month old's back and drawing her in close to her chest, Liv added "You're right Fin. How about you and Carisi swing by Amanda's apartment and see if she's come home? I'll keep trying her cell."

"No problem, Lieutenant. "

" Uh, what should we do about Jessie?" Sarah asked.

For a second, no-one said anything. Liv then spoke up saying " How about I give you my home address and you can drop Jessie off there? My sitter is home with Noah today. I'm sure she'd be happy to take Jessie for the day too. " Great! Thanks, Lieutenant Benson. "

After everyone had gone their separate ways, Liv returned to her office where Sergeant Dodds and ADA Barba were now discussing how they should proceed with Harkins and Huntly if they wanted to actually arrest them and ultimately achieve a conviction. Upon entering her office Liv interrupted the quiet discussion that was going on between the two men by saying , "We're going to have to call a rain check on his meeting. Amanda hasn't been home all night and hasn't turned up for work. It's all hands on deck 'till we track her down and make sure she's ok."

Dodds paused for a second then quickly got himself together and asked " What can I do, Lieutenant? "

"It might seem a little extreme but could you start calling around the local hospitals?" Liv responded.

Detecting a tone of worry in her voice, Dodds stood up and quickly said, " No problem, Lieutenant." before heading back to his desk to start making calls to the ER departments of all the local hospitals.

Barba stood up then saying that he was going back to his office to prep for another trial that was due to start the following week. Before leaving he looked at Liv and said ,"If you need anything at all, call me."

"Thanks, I will." Liv said, suddenly feeling an immense sense of dread take hold of her. What if something has happened to Amanda? What will happen to Jessie.?

Liv didn't have enough time to sink into those thoughts for too long as her phone rang. Upon answering the phone, she was greeted with the firm voice of Nurse Michaels of Mercy General. "Hi there, Lieutenant Benson. I would have called earlier but she just came round about 15 minutes ago."

The nurse didn't have to elaborate further. " How's Amanda?" Liv asked quickly, her heart beating quickly in her chest and her throat closing up, as her anxiety intensified.

"Not great, Lieutenant. You should get here as soon as you can."


End file.
